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November-Present

Things have got pretty bad. Towards the end of November I was seeing the GP repeatedly, trying to get him to give me something to stop me being so debilitatingly tired all the time.

The only thing he was willing to offer was to increase my dose of sertraline from 50mg to 100mg- because I found that the 50mg dose seemed to stop me getting headaches as much or as often, so maybe increasing the dose might help in other ways.

I repeat, while it may be an antidepressant I was not taking it because I was depressed, but rather I was taking it because it seemed to help with my headaches- which is one of the symptoms of my ME. Something is better than nothing, I figured, so I agreed to the increased dosage. 

As I went through this new packet, I didn’t find that I was getting any additional improvement from the increased dosage.

So I’d take one pill a day but sometimes I’d miss a day but as I’d still have boosted serotonin levels in my system, I could just top up the next day and carry on as normal. Thus, it would be one tablet a day or at least one every other day. No big deal.

But as my condition seemed to take a turn for the worst, there would be more and days that I’d lose to sleeping because I’d be so tired and that was all I could do. This eventually led me to missing more than one day at time. It was at this point I realised that this was not working. Because on the second day without sertraline, I got the mother of all headaches.

It occurred to me that I was locking myself into a drug that provided minimal benefit which if I ever stopped taking, there would be a small bit of hell to pay. If I was benefiting more substantially, then it would be a different story. I’ve concluded that I would rather risk the occasional headache without sertraline than the guaranteed mega headache if I were on it and discontinued it.

I think I’ll see how things go without sertraline. Going onto 100mg tablets was counter-productive. If occasional headaches become a problem, I’ll consider taking a low dose as a prophylactic but otherwise I think the SSRI angle is a dead end.

Damn.

What I’d really like is for the doctor to let me try something else. Screw the “official guidelines”. Given that there’s no cure for ME/CFS anyway, lets forget about the diagnosis for a moment and focus on alleviating the actual symptoms. What I’d like is to be able to take something to fight off the constant tiredness and need to sleep.